Ps. I apologize now if some of this doesn't make 100% sense. I am having serious brain fog from lack of oxygen all day. I am going to try my best to reread this several times.
I will start off by saying I am in no way writing this for sympathy. I am purely writing this for awareness purposes. And for that little twerp on Periscope. And to all the little twerps that like to hate on me.
Yes, I'm fat, I know this! You don't have to tell me this every day. I can see myself in the mirror. It's no surprise to me. Not to mention you feel the need to tell me every time you see me, I got the hint! You say you want to me, ummm hello, news flash you calling me fat telling me I'm fat and I need to lose weight does not help me!
1st let me say this I have always been a big girl. I will ALWAYS be a big girl. Yes, I would like to loose the weight but I by no means want to do it to "look good" I want to loose it to be healthy. Even though I am fat I am happy and I still LOVE MYSELF. I am still BEAUTIFUL! I have been working on losing the weight but it's not an easy process when you have my health problems.
I fight every day to breathe. I I also have severe asthma, Copd, and idiopathic pulmonary fibrosis. I am constantly on steroids to open my airways. Unfortunately, steroids caused me to have steroid induced Cushing's syndrome. Here is a snippet from a Cushing Website. Click the links if you'd like to read more.
What is Cushings? Cushing’s syndrome occurs when the body’s tissues are exposed to excessive levels of cortisol for long periods of time. Many people suffer the symptoms of Cushing’s syndrome because they take glucocorticoid hormones such as prednisone for asthma, rheumatoid arthritis, lupus and other inflammatory diseases, or for immunosuppression after transplantation.
Others develop Cushing’s syndrome because of overproduction of cortisol by the body. Normally, the production of cortisol follows a precise chain of events. First, the hypothalamus, a part of the brain which is about the size of a small sugar cube, sends corticotropin releasing hormone (CRH) to the pituitary gland. CRH causes the pituitary to secrete ACTH (adrenocorticotropin), a hormone that stimulates the adrenal glands. When the adrenals, which are located just above the kidneys, receive the ACTH, they respond by releasing cortisol into the bloodstream.
Cortisol performs vital tasks in the body. It helps maintain blood pressure and cardiovascular function, reduces the immune system’s inflammatory response, balances the effects of insulin in breaking down sugar for energy, and regulates the metabolism of proteins, carbohydrates, and fats. One of cortisol’s most important jobs is to help the body respond to stress. For this reason, women in their last 3 months of pregnancy and highly trained athletes normally have high levels of the hormone. People suffering from depression, alcoholism, malnutrition and panic disorders also have increased cortisol levels.
When the amount of cortisol in the blood is adequate, the hypothalamus and pituitary release less CRH and ACTH. This ensures that the amount of cortisol released by the adrenal glands is precisely balanced to meet the body’s daily needs. However, if something goes wrong with the adrenals or their regulating switches in the pituitary gland or the hypothalamus, cortisol production can go awry.
Cushing's has caused a host of other problems. I now have adrenal insufficiency (or “Addisonian crisis”). It is the inability to maintain a blood pressure (“shock”), dehydration, and electrolyte (sodium and potassium) abnormalities. It may also be much more subtle, with nothing more than fatigue. This is why I have to keep myself stress-free as much as possible. Cushings has also caused early onset of Osteoporosis. Therefore I wake up every day in horrible pain. I have to be care and watch what I do so I don't hurt or damage myself in any way.
So yes going and doing workouts would be great but right now it is nearly impossible. I do try to walk some but that's about as much as I can do right now. I have cut back on what I eat and trying to eat Ketogenic Diet as closely as I can. Which, by the way, has helped as I have lost a few pounds! Woohoo!!!
So yes, "Why don't I just lose the weight?" It's not the simple for me. Even though I know you'll never read this I hope you find it in your heart to be nicer to people who are fat! Because maybe just maybe they aren't fat because they are lazy and eat to much maybe just maybe its out of their control. You also asked me "Why do I spend more time on myself putting on makeup instead of losing the weight?" Well, as you've hopefully read I am working on it and it is a very slow process. And the main reason why I spend time on myself is because ummm I'm an adult and I can! But for real though it is my meditation time. My time to relax. I enjoy makeup. I make me feel better and when I feel better then I want to get up and get out and work on myself. Yes, I'm fat but I don't have to look frumpy and fat. I try to have some class and wearing makeup makes me feel pretty and put together.
I try to be pretty positive and don't let those that are rude online get to me, but for some reason or another, I couldn't shake this one. My main focus for this blog post is to bring awareness to invisible illnesses. I have more than my fair share of them. Bring awareness to body shaming. Bring awareness to bullying. Please stop the hate. Not just to me but to everyone. Kind words go some much further than negative words.
Be Kind, Be Beautiful, Be You-Ashley
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If only everyone was as beautiful as you. The amount of love, optimism and kindness you give is overflowing in so many lives. Consider the people who make such ugly comments as incredibly lonely, insecure, hurt and weak as they anonymously leave comments trying to hurt someone as an attempt to make themselves feel better. After they leave their 2 cents they will continue to be stuck in the depressive rut they are in. You, my dear are beautiful on so many levels.
ReplyDeleteAww Thank you Jan! That means the world to me! I am pretty good about letting it roll off because I know deep down that their comments are more about them than me. It had just been weighing on me so I had to post this just to get my frustration out. Your comment seriously lifts my spirits! Thank you for being a good friend! xoxox
Delete^ what Jan said! These people are so insecure about themselves they make comments to other people as if they aren't human. Who cares if you're fat, skinny whatever you are one of the kindest people I've been lucky enough to meet... and definitely one of the most stylish and talented! Lots of love! <3
ReplyDeleteAww thank you Shannon!! Seriously you and Jan know how to make a girl blush and feel good about herself! :) I'm grinning ear to ear! I love y'all so much! Thank you!
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